Divorce:
Divorce is a complicated subject, and due to the experience of someone very dear to me, it is also a topic I have always been interested in learning more about. A lot can be said about divorce, and this week I had a wonderful opportunity to explore the topic more in depth for one of my college courses.
Rather than spit out a bunch of random facts, I felt the need to share a couple of the insights I gained as a result of my studies, in applying them to a real life experience. I hope that some of what I share is able to help others who read this entry.
Over the past few decades, the overall trend of divorce has risen. Nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce (State of Our Unions 2012), and no one is exempt from the possibility of experiencing divorce, whether it as a child of divorced parents, or through one's own divorce from a spouse. I do not say that with the intent to scare anyone, but to show the common reality divorce has become for many.
According to official statements from Mormon Apostles, Elder Dallin H. Oak and Elder James E. Faust specifically, divorce is acceptable in some instances. Some marriages fail, and it's important to be understanding of that. Such was the case of someone in my family, who I will refer to as Sarah.
Sarah's Story:
When Sarah was young, her parents separated, and she rarely saw her father after that. She moved to a different state with her mother and three younger siblings, and for the rest of her childhood she lived in a single-parent home. The divorce of her parents brought on a lot of change, and with that change came a lot of hardships.
In an article by Paul R. Amato he shares various risks children face when in single-parent homes, some of which were hardships Sarah and her family faced. Through their circumstances, Sarah’s family ended up suffering from economic hardships, stress, and a reduction in the quality of parenting received. Sarah's mother tried her best to do all that she could, but due to working full-time (in order provide just enough for them to get by), it made it difficult for her to always be there for her children in all the ways she wanted to be. It was a difficult situation, but one with hope.
When placed in such circumstances, it can be hard to get out of and break the cycle, but that is what Sarah did. She became what is referred to as a "transitional character," which is one who changes the entire course of a lineage within a single generation (Broderick). Sarah worked extremely hard so that she could go to college, and was productive with her life. She ultimately found a wonderful man, to whom she has now been married to for over 30 years and has had 8 children with; many of those children having successful marriages/families of their own.
Sarah's story is a story of hope; a story that shows that we can break the mold, even if it's hard. She may have experienced many trials that come with divorce and being raised in a single-parent home, but the key was that she did not allow her circumstances to define her and control her destiny. Sarah was determined to make her life better, and she found the gospel of Jesus Christ in her teenage years. Through the gospel she was able to find healing in the Atonement of Jesus Christ, came to know that it was possible for her to have a wonderful family of her own, and that it was possible for her to succeed in life. The story of Sarah's triumph can be the story of many others.
I want to close out my entry by sharing a Mormon Message, which addresses the topic of divorce, and I hope it inspires you, as it has inspired me:
Divorce should not be the go-to option for couples and is not meant to be taken lightly, and I know that repentance should be turned to first as we strive to mend what seems to be broken. However, each of us has agency and some of us are truly victims of such circumstances, just as Sarah was.
My hope is that we may all take marriage and its commitments seriously, and that divorce is never the first "solution" that comes to mind, nor is it one taken lightly. If divorce does result (and in some cases it may be for the best), my prayer is that all those involved may find healing and know that they should not consider themselves failures, and that it is possible to find greater happiness again.
Sources:
Amato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation. The Future of Children.
Carlfred Broderick (1992). Marriage and the Family. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall.
Faust, J. E. (May 1993). "Father, Come Home." Ensign.
Oaks, D. H. (May 2007). "Divorce." Ensign.
State of Our Unions 2012; The National Marriage Project.
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