Fidelity and Faithfulness in Marriage

In this week's blog post I want to focus on fidelity and faithfulness between spouses in their marriage. I know that one of the first thoughts I have when I hear the term "infidelity" is being unfaithful sexually, but infidelity is much more than that.

So, how can unfaithfulness unfold? H. Wallace Goddard, PhD shares the order in which unfaithfulness is likely to unfold in his book "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage." The different stages of unfaithfulness consist the following (pg. 92-93):

1. What may seem like innocent behaviors — this can consist of something as simple as missionary work, or serving someone
2. Growing affection claims part of one's heart
3. Participating in extramarital flirting — there may be no intention of harm, but this stage typically involves justification.
4. The relationship is seen as "special" — this can lead to creating excuses to see this individual
5. Making excuses, lying, and so on to spend time with the person
6. Displacing your spouse; having emotional intimacy with "special friend"
7. Seeking to find fault in your spouse
8. Having fantasies about the other person
9. Engaging in physical affection with "special friend" — a hug, a kiss, etc.
10. Having sexual relations

I have witnessed many of these stages of unfaithfulness in my life through watching some of those around me, and it is a sad thing to see. Something so seemingly innocent can become a major knife driven between spouses, but the good news is that there are ways to prevent such troubles from occurring. In a summarized version, here are the following guidelines Goddard provides (pg. 94-95):

1. Do not allow seeds of lust to germinate.
2. Never make excuses to spend time alone with a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse.
3. Take responsibility for the messages that you give — for example, do not flirt with or seek after affection from someone other than your spouse.
4. Do not allow your heart to dwell on anyone — for example, daydreaming of another.
5. If you find yourself making excuses for continuing a relationship, you are addicted — seek help, for example, through going to your bishop or stake president.
6. Spend more enjoyable time with your spouse.
7. Renew your spiritual efforts.
8. Don't set yourself up for failure.
9. Keep your soul free of the soul-numbing barrenness of pornography.
10. Celebrate the sweet gift of companionship.

 Fidelity within marriage is so important. Marriage and family is at the center of God's plan for us, and there is no earthly relationship more important than our relationship with our spouse. As stated in "A Parent's Guide" published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

“Both husbands and wives have physical, emotional,

psychological, and spiritual need associated with this

sacred act. They will be able to complement each other

in the marriage relationship if they give tender,

considerate attention to these needs of their partner.

Each should seek to fulfill the other’s needs rather than

to use this highly significant relationship merely to

satisfy his or her own passion.

Couples will discover differences in the needs or

desires each partner has for the relationship, but

when each strives to satisfy the needs of the other

these differences need not present a serious

problem. Remember, this intimate relationship

between husband and wife was established to bring

joy to them. An effort to reach this righteous

objective will enable married couples to use their

complementary natures to bring joy to this union.”

For more information on the topics addressed, I would highly recommend getting Goddard's book  "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage." It is worth every penny!

Original image can be found here.

References:

A Parent's Guide. (n.d.). Retrieved March 15, 2017, from https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng

Goddard, H.W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing.