Having a Balance of Power in Family Relationships

In this week's blog post I want to focus on some of the content written in an article by Richard B. Miller titled "Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families." It's a marvelous article that addresses the important issues of "power, control, and hierarchy" in family units. This is such an important topic to talk about, especially since many family problems stem from issues of power.

Miller provides an excellent list of things to keep in mind (when it comes to power) that I felt were important to share.

1. Parents are the leaders in the family.
• This does not mean they are dictators, but rather leaders.
2. Parents must be united in their leadership.
• Parents must work together in decision making, and remain consistent.
3. The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults.
• When children are older it is important that parents no longer exercise control over their children.
4. The marital relationship should be a partnership.
• Husbands and wives are equal.
• Husbands and wives have different responsibilities, but they function as equals.
• A husband’s role as patriarch gives him the responsibility to serve his wife and family.
• Husbands and wives work together as partners.
5. What is the power relationship in your marriage?
• To assess this, an activity by the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University (also found in "Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families") is provided below:

Marital Power Scale

How much do you agree with this statement?

Strongly Disagree (1) Disagree (2) Neutral (3) Agree (4) Strongly Agree (5)

1. My partner tends to discount my opinion. 1 2 3 4 5

2. My partner does not listen to me. 1 2 3 4 5

3. When I want to talk about a problem in our relationship, my partner often refuses to talk with me about it. 1 2 3 4 5

4. My partner tends to dominate our conversations. 1 2 3 4 5

5. When we do not agree on an issue, my partner gives me the cold shoulder. 1 2 3 4 5

6. I feel free to express my opinion about issues in our relationship. 1 2 3 4 5

7. My partner makes decisions that affect our family talking to me first. 1 2 3 4 5

8. My partner and I talk about problems until we both agree on a solution. 1 2 3 4 5

9. When it comes to money, my partner’s opinion usually wins out. 1 2 3 4 5

10. I feel like my partner tries to control me. 1 2 3 4 5

11. When it comes to children, my partner’s opinion usually wins out. 1 2 3 4 5

12. It often seems my partner can get away with things in our relationship that I can never get 

away with. 1 2 3 4 5

13. I feel like I have no choice but to do what my partner wants. 1 2 3 4 5

14. My partner has more influence in our relationship than I do. 1 2 3 4 5

15. When disagreements arise in our relationship, my partner’s opinion usually wins out. 

1 2 3 4 5

Original image can be found here.

I hope the above points and activity helped you as much as they did me. The overall article by Miller is very informative and enlightening, and I would highly recommend reading it! It can be found here.

I know that maintaining a healthy balance of power in marriage and family relationships is so important, and can help a family overcome and avoid many of the problems and trials that they may face. I wanted to close my entry by sharing a quote by Henry B. Eyring:

"A unity which comes to a family or to a people softened by the Spirit will bring great power... A man and his wife learn to be one by using their similarities to understand each other and their differences to complement each other in serving one another and those around them."

References:

Henry B. Eyring, "That We May Be One" Ensign, May 1998, 66.

Richard B. Miller, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009.