Beware of Pride

In a recent blog post, I shared more about Gottman's "four horsemen," that can be found in his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." Each of the four horsemen can become a deadly poison that damages a marriage, and in some instances diminish it, but there is one thing each of them have in common: pride. Pride is the deadliest poison that can enter into an individual, and into a marriage.

So, what is pride? There are many things that come as a result of pride, such as self-centeredness and arrogance, but at its very core is enmity. By definition, enmity is “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition” (Benson).

In an address given by President Ezra Taft Benson, entitled "Beware of Pride," he states the following:

"Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves… Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. “How everything affects me” is the center of all that matters—self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking."

Pride has no positive appeals, and yields no positive results, yet it is like a virus that can easily spread and take root in our hearts and minds. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, but that does not mean succumbing to the deadly poison of pride is inevitable and impossible to overcome.

So, how does one overcome pride? President Benson goes on to share the following:

"The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. It is the broken heart and contrite spirit."

Goddard also expounds upon this in his book "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage" when stating that we cure pride through “turn[ing] to God in faith and repentance,” and also turning outward. It is not only pride that will be cured when we think less in terms of “me” and more in terms of “we” in our relationships/marriages, but we will also find happiness (pg. 72).

Pride is something that I have had to combat on more occasions than I could ever count, and something I have continually worked to overcome throughout my life. It is not easy to overcome, but definitely possible. Overcoming pride, and the natural (self-centered) man in each of us is possible through continuous efforts to be humble, meek, and submissive. The more we strive to become like the Savior, and do become like Him, the easier it will be to overcome the deadly sin of pride. I know from personal experience that this is true, and that our happiness truly does increase as we do so.

There are so many ways that overcoming pride can be applied in our lives, and especially in our marriages, so I wanted to close out my blog entry by sharing an activity provided by Gottman. It is called the "Accepting Influence Questionnaire" and can be found here. There are several other activities in his book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," so I would highly recommend getting it!

Original image can be found here.

References:

Benson, E.T. "Beware of Pride," Ensign, May 1989, 4–7.

Goddard, H.W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing.

Gottman, J.M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.